A Crucial Conversation with a Parent

Last week, during Parent/Teacher Conferences, I had a crucial conversation with a parent. This particular mom had informed me (on the first day of school) that her son was extremely intelligent and she wanted him to move from Kindergarten to first grade. I told her that it was too soon to decide and that I would have to assess him. As it turns out, my student was performing at a first grade level, however, I soon realized that although he was performing above the Kindergarten grade-level, his social and emotional development had not matured yet. Soon after, I informed the mom of my findings and she said she would work with him.
During the Conference, she inquired again. I informed her that after several months, his social development had not yet matured and therefore, my recommendation was for him to stay in Kindergarten. The mother became very agitated and extremely defensive. She began threatening me in various ways. I took a deep breath to clear my head. At that particular moment, I remembered the S.T.A.T.E. skills. I told the mom that I wanted what was best for her son. I think she needed to hear that because she sat down and listened. I shared my facts by telling her that although he could read at a first grade level, her son had difficulties adjusting to certain situations, especially when asked if he had hit another students. I told my story by stating that he would cry over and over again so that he would not get into trouble. I then asked her to share her story. Although hesitant, she said he behaved the same way at home. I continued by talking tentatively by sharing my opinion. I told her that in my opinion her son was going to mature at his own pace. Lastly I encouraged testing, I asked her if she saw the situation differently to please share it. And as stated before, she knew that her son needed to mature more before going to first grade. Although there were several times when she began to feel threatened and upset during the conference, that is when I had to use the AMPP listening skills. The 'mirror' skill was particularly useful because I would tell her, "you look upset, do you see things differently?" We would discuss the problem and then I paraphrased what she said so that she would know that I truly was listening. Ultimately, I informed her that it would benefit her son if he stayed in Kindergarten. Our 10 minute conference turned into a one hour conference. I am very grateful that the mom was able to internalize what was best for her son. And once we both agreed on this, we came up with great ideas on how we could challenge him while still being in Kindergarten.