Crucial Conversation with a Teacher

Background
One of my staff members had a differing view on how services and support should be provided for students. They felt that the school and department were not doing enough for the students. They continued by stating that things were not in place at the school site and that they could not get things done. The negative responses continued for a few weeks. I felt that their comments and attitude towards the school were detrimental to the organization and the students.

Conversation
I had a conversation with my staff member to address some of the issues they were dealing with. I started off by stating that I noticed there were comments that were made that seem to reflect on their dissatisfaction for the school and organization. I asked the person to elaborate and share what had been happening and their perspective. They stated that at their previous place of employment, these obstacles were not present. My staff member stated their frustration with the environment they were working in. I validated what they were feeling and acknowledged the challenges they were facing. I then transitioned into working towards solutions in addressing some of their concerns.
As the conversation continued, it really seemed as if my staff member was still focused on the barriers and not looking towards solutions. I addressed this with the staff member but they didn't seem to agree with with my perspective. I continued to validate their concerns but emphasized the need to work to solve and take care of what was in their control.

Conclusion
I emphasized the need to focus on the next steps to solve the issues that were within their control. I worked with the person to outline an action plan and move forward. The individual continued to have many of the same concerns and at one point stated that they were not sure if this was the right place for them. I continued to validate their perspective but came back to the fact that it is about the students and flexibility and patience is a must. We continued to work on addressing some of their concerns and were able to solve a few of them. There seemed to be more additional concerns after that but I continue to have crucial conversations with my staff member.

Crucial Conversation with a Teacher

Background: One of Fernando's financial supporters volunteered to send the staff on a one-night retreat to San Pedro that would include dinner and a night's hotel stay. Initially, this sounds exciting, however, our staff had some concerns relating to ICEF's recent budget crunch. Should we go out spending this money on a retreat when resources are tight and jobs are being cut? Even though this isn't money coming from ICEF, it still feels odd for us to be spending money. Our staff then asked: Is it possible to get the donor to give the money for supplies instead? Of course if the answer to that question was "yes, we can get them to give the money to the school..." it would provide our team a neat opportunity to graciously decline the retreat in lieu of supplies for the school. However, the donor was very passionate that the gift was "for the staff" and that we really needed to the time to rest, relax, and reflect.

Well, our entire team understood that the gift was "restricted" and had to be used from the retreat. However, we had one team member who felt adamant that, given the economy, we should still decline this gift. I wasn't necessarily opposed to the idea, howver, upon discussing it with Fernando, I became confident that not only would we be throwing away an opportunity for some "team-building", our rejection of the gift would come across as rude and would rub the donor the wrong way. This donor has given many resources to Fernando and his organization over the years, so in essence, we might potentially be throwing future resources away (and a vast majority of these future resources would have direct impact on our students, unlike this retreat).

Anyway, this dilemma was explained to the whole team, and everyone was on board except for one teacher. After some thought, he drafted a fairly lengthy email addressed to me, Germaine, and Fernando explaining to us that he would not be in attendance. The three of us were quite disappointed in his decision. Germaine and Fernando seemed resigned to let him not go, however, I felt strongly as if his not going would convey a "negative attitude" and that his decision would start alienating him from our team. Thus, it was a prime opportunity to have a crucial conversation:

The Conversation: I notified him via email that I was going to need a few minutes of his time first thing on Monday morning. I made it known to him ahead of time as to the topic of our conversation. I'm glad that I notified him as an essential component to the success of the conversation was the fact that he didn't feel caught off guard. The conversation certainly went well with both parties respecting each others' opinion. I heard him explain to me how he "felt guilty" in this economy to be accepting this gift. He also has a strong background in economics, and he had calculated the value of the retreat... and he was certain that it wasn't necessarily a "good investment" and that buying a SMART board or LCD projectors would be a much more prudent use of the finances. After hearing him out, I then explained our administration's position. I also appealed to his sense of finances/resources by emphasizing that we'd actually be losing our on future resources if we declined this gift.

The Conclusion: Well, I'm pleased to say that he initially agreed to talk things over with his wife... and after that, agreed to attend the retreat. I felt like this was a big moment as, if nothing else, allowed him the chance to bond with our team instead of appearing as if he was isolationg himself. In summary, I think the success of this conversation only happened because I: a) made him aware of the topic ahead of time, b) listened to his points of view so thoroughly to the point where he had nothing left to say, and c) showed respect of his points of view so much to the point that I told him that "I'd completely understand if he still ended up not attending..." (which I meant sincerely, but I really wanted him to go nonetheless).

A Crucial Conversation with a Parent

Last week, during Parent/Teacher Conferences, I had a crucial conversation with a parent. This particular mom had informed me (on the first day of school) that her son was extremely intelligent and she wanted him to move from Kindergarten to first grade. I told her that it was too soon to decide and that I would have to assess him. As it turns out, my student was performing at a first grade level, however, I soon realized that although he was performing above the Kindergarten grade-level, his social and emotional development had not matured yet. Soon after, I informed the mom of my findings and she said she would work with him.
During the Conference, she inquired again. I informed her that after several months, his social development had not yet matured and therefore, my recommendation was for him to stay in Kindergarten. The mother became very agitated and extremely defensive. She began threatening me in various ways. I took a deep breath to clear my head. At that particular moment, I remembered the S.T.A.T.E. skills. I told the mom that I wanted what was best for her son. I think she needed to hear that because she sat down and listened. I shared my facts by telling her that although he could read at a first grade level, her son had difficulties adjusting to certain situations, especially when asked if he had hit another students. I told my story by stating that he would cry over and over again so that he would not get into trouble. I then asked her to share her story. Although hesitant, she said he behaved the same way at home. I continued by talking tentatively by sharing my opinion. I told her that in my opinion her son was going to mature at his own pace. Lastly I encouraged testing, I asked her if she saw the situation differently to please share it. And as stated before, she knew that her son needed to mature more before going to first grade. Although there were several times when she began to feel threatened and upset during the conference, that is when I had to use the AMPP listening skills. The 'mirror' skill was particularly useful because I would tell her, "you look upset, do you see things differently?" We would discuss the problem and then I paraphrased what she said so that she would know that I truly was listening. Ultimately, I informed her that it would benefit her son if he stayed in Kindergarten. Our 10 minute conference turned into a one hour conference. I am very grateful that the mom was able to internalize what was best for her son. And once we both agreed on this, we came up with great ideas on how we could challenge him while still being in Kindergarten.

Crucial Conversation with a Colleague

A couple of weeks ago, a colleague of mine who shared the same room as I did was identified with the H1N1 virus and was out of commission for a few days. During that time I did what I could to support her absence--set agendas for the substitute, follow up with the class, co-taught with the substitute during my prep hours, and updated her on our staff meeting. That weekend, she updated me on her recovery process, stating that her fever was gone but she still had coughing and chest congestions. She told me that she was coming to school Monday since she did not want to miss any more days of school.
After talking with her over the phone, I thought about the ramifications of what this would mean. There was still a chance that she will be contagious to both staff members and students. I knew that I had to call her back and ask her to clarify if the virus could still be potentially contagious, which could come off as getting too personal, even potentially violating her privacy. Stakes were definitely high and a crucial conversation was definitely inevitable.
Although this conversation was prior to our meeting, I did already read the book so I had decided to try out some of the techniques. I decided to first start by stating the mutual purpose, which is her full recovery and the learning progress of our students at school. I told her that I didn't mind taking over her class, making the necessary worksheets, and following up with her substitutes on other classes that I was unable to supervise. Then, I told her that I was also concerned that if she didn't fully recover she can risk infecting others in the school.
At first there was an awkward moment of silence, but then she admitted that she did need to go back to the doctors and get a confirmation if she was indeed contagious or not. I followed her compliance up with a contrast. I told her that my concern wasn't only about her risking infecting others. It was also that I truly wanted her to make a full recovery so that there are no chances for a relapse if she is put under duress at work. Additionally, it wouldn't benefit the students if the teacher is still sick. I also offered to talk with the principal first to see if there could be a circumstantial exception made on her behalf since she has already exceeded her sick days leave. She agreed and took it pretty well. She ended up taking one more leave of absence to go to the doctors to get checked out. She came to school the following Tuesday with a note stating that the H1N1 virus is no longer contagious.
Overall, I think it only strengthened our relationship since she knows that I will support her when she is absent and conversely, there wouldn't be any uneasiness or misgivings that would have surrounded her without the doctor's stamp of approval to come to work.

Crucial Conversation with a Student's Well-Being at Stake

One of my students with special needs has moderate to severe hearing loss. Even though his primary eligibility for special education programming is DHH (Deaf or Hard of Hearing), his parents do not believe that he has any hearing deficits and consequently have not followed through over the last several years in pursuing free hearing aids from the state. This denial is fueled by multiple factors, including low-quality special education services at the student's previous school and the fact that the students' primary doctor has given a passing score on a hearing test in the past. As a result, this student's SLD (Specific Learning Disability) is further exacerbated by the fact that he cannot hear critical sounds such as /th/ and /s/ and is missing out on key information during instruction. During a recent IEP meeting, the audiologist stated that this was becoming an issue of child neglect, and was grounds for reporting. When the father was informed of this, he became very defensive. Safety had clearly been breached. Regardless, I felt an urgent responsibility to persuade his parents of the need for hearing aids, and therefore initiated a crucial conversation after about a few weeks of building trust (and safety) by tutoring the student each day after school.
The father came into my office to pick up his son from tutoring, and he provided me with an updated hearing test from the student's primary doctor. Using S.T.A.T.E., I began by stating the facts. I held the doctor and audiologist's reports side by side and explained that both experts had come to the same conclusion, which was a "fail" in both ears beyond a certain benchmark. Immediately, I sensed defensiveness from the father, so I stepped out the conversation and used a contrasting strategy to clarify that I was not suggesting that his son could not hear anything, but that his hearing was at a level where he was missing a host of critical sounds. I then provided an example from a recent math lesson about decimal place value, where the student could not hear the /th/ sound in tenths, hundredth, etc. and consequently missed the primary objective of the lesson. This led to some traction by the father, but I still sensed that he was not fully onboard, so I grounded us in our mutual purpose. I reminded him how much that we both care for the well-being of his son. At this point, he relaxed and I offered my story, which included a recommendation that we fit his son with temporary hearing aids for at school use only. In order to keep it the conversation tentative and test the story, I encouraged the father to seek a third opinion in the meantime. To my delight, the father agreed. We fitted his son with hearing aids today, and if I could only describe in words the look on the student's face when the audiologist first turned them on. While I recognize that there is much more to do before fully convincing the parents of the need for permanent hearing aids, this small victory along the way is making the long journey well worth it!

Conversation with Student

I have a student who failed World History last year but thought it might be a good idea to make the class up by taking AP European History this year. At the beginning of the year, I asked her why she failed the class and she said she didn't understand the material. I asked her if she enjoyed the class. No. I then explained that AP European history was going to be a lot more challenging than World History and that if she found the material to be very challenging last year, I wouldn't recommend taking the course but the decision was hers. She decided to "try" the class. Like many students, she has been struggling. Unlike many students however, she is trying hard but is not making significant enough improvement to make it possible to pass the class. The issue that bothers me the most is that her writing is extremely disorganized and while I have provided supports for her (graphic organizers & encouraging students to email drafts to me etc), she hasn't always used these. I have suggested several times that she drop the class, but she has always chosen to stay. I have spoken with her mother several times and she agrees that she should drop the class. So today, after reading a very disorganized DBQ, I spoke with her outside of the class. My goal was to convince her that dropping the class was in her best interest, but also to understand that I appreciated her work ethic and that I thought she had a lot of potential. Therefore, our common goal was her academic success. I started by sharing my facts. I had the essay with me and told her that it was very clear that she had worked hard on it (it was 3 pages, neatly typed, spell checked etc) but that it was extremely disorganized. I showed her the rubric and how most of the points come from using the documents to support an argument and that she couldn't earn those because there was no argument. She nodded and smiled that she understood her writing was weak. I then told my story stating that given we are at the 10 week mark, her grade is in the 40%s and she is still struggling, it was in her best interest not to fail my class and still need to make up World History. I asked her for her input by asking why she wanted to stay in the class and she responded that she wanted the challenge. I commended her for that but pointed out that she is also failing honors English and I was afraid that the pace of the class was such that she wasn't getting as much out of it as she would in the regular class. I tentatively suggested that perhaps she should instead focus on her writing in the English class and perhaps take AP US History next year once she is better prepared. I then asked her what she thought about that and she agreed that she thought it would be best. It was important for me that this student drop the class, but it was also important that she understand that I do see how hard she works and that I do think she is capable of being an AP student but that she needs to hone her skills before she can do that. Frequently students interpret these conversations as criticisms ("you don't work hard enough" or "you're not smart enough) but I think she really understood that I want what's best for her and that dropping the class was in her best interest.

A Crucial Conversation

A home office employee did not understand how their job and how well they did or did not do it impacted student achievement. Their view was that this was a job where good enough and minimal effort was enough. I believed that their job was in service to the schools and staff. We clearly had two different goals. Stakes were high (Their job mostly!) and emotions were high on both sides. Following S.T.A.T.E., I first shared the facts - there are several employees at schools sites who are not satisfied with the way this situation was handled. Then, I told my story - as a school site employee for 13 years, I know how these people feel - I can empathize with them. Teaching is really hard work. As a back office employee for the last 2+ years, I also know how people at school sites may not understand all of the intricacies to what happens in this office that may have contributed to this situation. Then, I asked for their view - can you share with me your view of how and why things unfolded the way they did. This person started to immediately get defensive. In order to disarm and build safety, I decided to contrast, starting with what I was not talking about - I am not concerned in this conversation with what happened between you and the teacher per se. What I am talking about is that our core business is student achievement and everyone in this office has an impact on that core business. The response this time was a little more positive with mostly head nods and a few "I can see that, I can see that"'s. This was also the beginning of finding a mutual purpose - can we agree that the goal of our conversation is to avoid future conflicts with teachers over similar situations? YES! This person was emphatic that they did not want this type of conflict and wanted nothing more than to avoid future conflicts. The conversation went on for about another 20 minutes where we worked together to first understand how their job impacted student achievement and then how future teacher complaints could be handled differently, if not avoided.